Positive?

This post took me almost 3 days to write. ok 4 now.

Ok so I don't really know how to start this entry without sounding like I am full of myself.

5 days prior to my period due date I was feeling like something was off. Here is the list of things I felt

1. My boobs were vainy (like blue lines shining bright like a diamond kinds of vainy) and was soooooooo sore. Putting on a bra was painful, taking it off was painful, taking a shower was painful, wearing my tshirt without a bra at home was painful. conclusion, my boobs was feeling horrible.

2. I was feeling super faint. I can talk to someone and for a split second I felt like I was going to drop off my seat and faint. I was tired all day long from doing absolutely nothing.

3. I felt queasy. Not enough to puke, but enough to make me feel sick. 4 days straight.

4. I had a slight temperature that went on and off throughout that 5 days

5. I was bloated like mad, which resulted to the queasy feeling I guess

6. I was farting non-stop. NON STOP :(

So like any normal TTC person, I took a test 5 days prior to my period and got my negative result, the only test I had for that matter, the one that came free with my first Furmon bottle.

That was on... Thursday. So I thought to myself, I will only buy a test and do it after my period is due, which according to my calculation was on Monday.

Friday, I was still feeling so sick, so I went to the pharmacy to get something for the wind and to stock up my vitamins, then I saw on the reduce to clear shelf was ONE pregnancy test kit that was going for RM4. It had my name all over it and of course I bought it and and took half day that day and headed home.

I got home and went straight to bed, then when I woke up the first thing that was on my mind was the test. Im a pee-on-the-stick freak. So knowing that there was a stick in the house that needed peeing on, I couldn't help myself.

This is what I got.

looks like a negative right? look closely! Its a super faint positive. There is a line where the T is.

I was shaking but I kept quiet, didn't wanna tell anyone, not even my husband because I don't know why, I was having this feeling deep down that this is not my month.

The next morning, Saturday.

I woke up feeling fine.

I was ok.

All the symptoms I had were gone. Like magic, I could eat, drink, laugh without feeling faint or like I was gonna puke. My boobs did not hurt at all too!

We went out for lunch, my husband and chacha and I and it was so hot that day I remember being in a bad mood and had this massive headache.

Told my husband I needed to go to the toilet to wash my face and then I found out I was on my period. :( it was not even spotting coz my period just attacked me right there and then. With clots and all!

Today I am on CD4 and I did some research and this is what I found.

Apparently according to my symptoms, I had a chemical pregnancy = early early early miscarriage.

Read more here: http://www.madeformums.com/pregnancy/what-is-a-chemical-pregnancy/36135.html

But although some TTC ladies said that when they found out that it was a chemical pregnancy they were depressed and sad and felt like they could not get out of it. For me it was a little different. I was relieved.

I felt relieved to know that I have started ovulating again, and that my husbands boys are working. To me this is a big step to becoming pregnant after 6 years of no changes at all. Alhamdulillah. I did after all give myself 3 months before heading to the gyne to check if my cysts are gone in the first place so this happening quite early is a good sign for me.

Now I all I need to do is pee on a stick everyday until I find my ovulation day and party! Also to keep being positive all the way.

If after all this, I end up not being pregnant, then it's Allah's will and I accept it :) But of course, no giving up without a fight Inn Sha Allah.

Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers please. :*

Love,

Aisyah